Musings of the Certifiable

Where intelligence gives way to madness.

4 Songs that Expose the Truth about Taylor Swift

It has often been noted that history is written by the winners.  This biased retelling of an event creates the perception in which we view the people of the past.  Everyone should know to take everything we are taught with a grain of salt and realize that what we are being told, as honest to God fact, is probably not the whole truth.  For some reason, we seem to forget this when it happens in other creative outlets.  There is one main culprit that has exploited this tactic for quite some time in order to continue hiding a truth.  This has been something that has bothered me for the longest time and it is finally time for someone to put it out there.  I will be the one who sacks up and calls her out on it.  Taylor Swift is most definitely batshit insane.

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Don’t give me that look.

I will give you a minute to process that and come back down from your rage fueled blackout.  Those of you who are now covered in a red substance might want to find a shovel and an alias.  And, well, my bad for causing that I guess, but welcome back to the conscious world, angry reader.  Yes you read that correctly.  Taylor Swift is without a doubt, out of her damn mind.  There is proof that you cannot refute and that lies in the content of her songs.  Every song is about how some new dude was a dick and broke her heart and now he does not deserve her.  No, seriously.  Every.  Single.  One.  Don’t get me wrong, it is usually undeniably catchy, but to see the truth you have to block your ears of the siren’s song before it consumes you.

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“She’s so beautif- Oh. Fuck.”

Teardrops on My Guitar

Perhaps she was unpopular in high school when she first started her ascent to stardom.  I am sure that being a tall, attractive blonde who can play guitar really hindered her social life and left her sitting on the bleachers wishing someone would notice her.  This is similar to the way that movies ask us to believe that the eventual prom queen in the movie is the “ugly girl” because her hair was up and she was wearing glasses, but so be it Taylor, they are your songs and your retelling of old stories.  So fine, I will allow my disbelief to be suspended and trust that somewhere in America a high school exists where this could possibly happen.

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Totally a realistic scenario.

I am not so heartless to think that it is wrong for her to cry about losing someone she never had.  I get it, emotions are a fickle bitch.  It takes time to get over the idea you have built up inside of your head and she even admits she doesn’t know why she does that.  Then she mentions about how he is everything she needs to fall into and that she might put his picture down and actually get some sleep tonight.  That shit is bordering on psychotic at that point.  You have his picture by your bedside?  What exactly is your end goal in all of this anyways Taylor?  That he gets dumped by this amazing girl that he is head over heels for so that you can pick up the pieces left behind?  He is happy, let him be.

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Ahem.

Picture to Burn

Ok, fine she was in high school.  High school is crazy times and emotions run wild.  Following that though, she gained fame, money, and magazines publicly called her insanely hot.  See Taylor!  Life gets better and now you will no longer have the trouble of getting treated like shit.  She started going out with someone else and things were going well.  Then he refused to let her drive his truck, wanted to still keep a life outside of her, and failed to live up to her every fantasy.  You know what, that doesn’t seem anything too much worse than most people’s failed relationships, Taylor.  Actually, it does not seem that bad at all when compared to other’s absolute train wrecks.  Especially since, unless it is an indestructible tank, there is no chance a dude is ever letting a woman drive his vehicle.

Taylor responds with saying she is going to start by telling all of her friends that he is gay.  Like, seriously?  Then she goes on to make it blatantly obvious what her revenge is going to be when she says she has intentions of dating all of his best friends.  No, not just one, but every last damned one of them.  Oh, and then she burns his shit.  If you read deeper into the meaning of “just another picture to burn” you see that this is not the first time this has happened.  Taylor has burned so many ex lover’s pictures that even the writers of Supernatural are starting to think she has overdone the witchcraft.

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Seriously guys, enough.

Mean

Alright, so she has had some bad relationship luck.  I will agree that on those grounds alone she does not qualify for a recommendation to the psych ward.  This is when it was decided to remove all doubt from the equation and prove to me that she has truly gone off the deep end with her sanity.  At some point in her career, it appears that someone told her she could not sing and this wounded her deeply.  So deeply in fact that she held it in and used it as motivation to write another chart topping track about this arrogant prick.  Good for you Taylor, you definitely showed him!  You are in the big city and all he will ever be is mean.  Check the scoreboard, I would hate to be the guy on the losing end of that kind of epic blowout.

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Pictured: A losing blowout.

Actually, wait a second.  She is in an entertainment profession that has critics everywhere and is flipping shit about one person who told her she could not sing?  Not just flipping out, but writing a song about wishing they have a terrible life in which they are hated by everyone else in the world and left lonely in a bar.  That seems a little drastic and like it could possibly include the previously mentioned use of witchcraft to achieve.  This is all over ONE person who told her he did not care for her singing.  Seems kind of blown out of proportion.  Something seems a bit off about all of this actually, I just cannot put my finger on it.

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together 

Hmm now we get to the most recent release.  A song about getting back into a doomed relationship and then finally breaking free and moving on.  Why did you think that would be a good idea in the first place?  Wait… an idea is starting to come to me.  She had not released a song in a while and must have been going through writer’s block.  THAT IS IT!!!  It finally makes sense.  Taylor, you are a beautiful genius.  You are putting yourself in shit situations to give yourself material to make chart topping songs!  You are a masochistic, musical mercenary just breaking hearts for massive pay days.

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But, you know, with a guitar.

Oh Taylor, that is so soul crushingly brilliant to flip the story and make money calling the guy an asshole.  What is better is that since you are the famous one, the loser’s side of the story will never come to light so you can continue to build yourself up this pure palace from which you can rule your minions.  It is perfect.  It is manipulative.  It is diabolical.  It is a thought process that can only come from the dark, soulless mind of the truly certifiable.  Damn it, I think I just turned myself on.

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Call me, you beautiful she-devil.

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6 comments on “4 Songs that Expose the Truth about Taylor Swift

  1. kailley
    October 4, 2012

    First of all, props to you, my fellow blogging friend. You write well, and I’m pretty damn entertained! Second of all, there’s this.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ie8pnbA8rQ .. Oh Tay-Tay. The day I realized she ripped off Saving Jane, I just couldn’t really appreciate her obnoxiously catchy tunes anymore.

  2. jessmittens
    December 2, 2012

    I always knew Taylor Swift was the problem in the relationship – she’s also just the one who gets to tell the world her side.
    I can’t remember who said it, but someone joked that if you’re breaking up with people so often, maybe you’re the problem? In regards to Miss Swift.
    So this was awesome to read! Finally, someone else who agrees that she might be a crazy lady! hahaha, awesome post.

    • Geoff
      December 2, 2012

      Always nice to find like minded thinking when it comes to such important matters such as this haha. You’ve got to credit her though for making a fortune off of her crazy.

    • Virginia Golden
      September 10, 2014

      Put it this way – in all these failed relationship with a variety of guys, who is the common denominator? 😀

  3. JasmineKyleSings
    December 10, 2012

    Usually I step up for my girls but…..
    It was cool with the first 2 guys but now it’s out of control. Her last boyfriend was 17? She was buying a million dollar mansion next to his home? NO NO NO… She needs to check it! Great Point!

  4. Virginia Golden
    September 10, 2014

    I love this analysis. Right on!

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This entry was posted on October 4, 2012 by in Music and tagged , , , , , , , .

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Geoff

Geoff

I am a 28 year old recovering optimist who calls Chicago home. Your mom would like me.

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