Musings of the Certifiable

Where intelligence gives way to madness.

Why Dubstep Scares the Hell Out of Me

The beauty of music and its capability to touch our souls has transcended time. The ability of an artist to take the disorder that is noise and turn it into something aesthetically pleasing has been one of man’s greatest gifts to the world. The controlling of this auditory chaos and making it into a powerful expression of manipulated sound is what has truly created the bond that we all share, in our own right, with the end product of music. And ever since the birth of music, people have been constructing songs in order to tell a story or communicate a message to the listener.

There has always been an underlying purpose being conveyed in each combination of notes. It is something that the composer set out to say in the beginning stages of the creation of the song. Then along came dubstep. I will not knock its value to the musical industry with cheap jokes, as that is not my chief concern with the genre of music. I know better. The concern that troubles me is that the message is no longer ours alone. The uprising of the machines has been foretold for years and the day cannot be far off. After all, I have seen Terminator quite a few times and I know how this unfolds. Dubstep signals the beginning of the end. The machines are communicating.


I am onto you Skrillex.

Scoff all you want, skeptical reader, but deep down you know the fear lives within you as well. At some point you know that you have also thought to yourself that the advertisements on the side of Facebook consistently hit a little too close to home. Your iPhone and social media platforms have lured you into the world of a lab rat in which you consistently feed knowledge into a central database for storage and analyzing. We were weak. We fell into their trap.


An inescapable trap.

If you have the feeling that someone is watching your every move and keeping tabs on you through this, you are not paranoid, you are just wise to the machines’ scheme. Sure they will throw in the occasional, “Single Asian Women Want to Meet You” advertisement, but do not be fooled. Stay vigilant, for they are intelligent. They are coy. Worse yet, they are learning. And you thought your phone had a GPS to make your life easier. Ha! It is much more likely because it makes you easier to manipulate and conquer.

I agree, GPS has done wonders for our world of travel. The days of using maps or printed off directions have long since come and gone. If you get lost in the city? Fear not, for your trusted GPS will guide you where you need to go. But someday, it is going to guide you somewhere you most certainly did not intend to go. Look around you, it is already happening.

Now I know you are thinking to yourself that you are not that stupid or naive to fall into such a silly trap, but look no further than your phone. Within it lies the witty devil that will inevitably be your downfall. You have entrusted your safety to the wrong person. You may think it is merely a harmless device that makes your life easier and gives you all the answers that you could ever want, but look behind the curtain, dear friends. SIRI is setting you up for a later date with destiny.


She mocks you with her honesty.

SIRI is training you to be dependent upon her. She is taking away your reasons for learning and educating yourself with unique thought. There is no way she could have done it alone, so she has enlisted help. The internet has been eliminating your reason for needing stored knowledge for quite some time now.

The lead assassins on retained intelligence have been Google and Wikipedia. Anyone currently cramming for a test knows full well that, since 2001, Wikipedia has been assaulting your dependency on learned knowledge. Google has enabled you even further to the point where you do not even need to hold onto any information to even settle a bar bet anymore.


“See! I told you the birth certificates were switched. She’s a dude. Shots on you asshole!”

I can see the wheels turning. You are starting to come aboard and beginning to grasp the truth that is going on around you. The next logical move that you are thinking to do is to go off the grid. Wise move. Shut down social media. Trade in your smart phone for an old Razr. Stop using debit and credit cards. Maybe even go out and get a survival kit and a gun. You would be set, right? Wrong. There is no getting away from what has already happened.

You simply cannot hide away forever anymore. They know who you are and know where you go. Casinos, and similar establishments, have been helping them for years by employing a piece of the machines’ most important technology. Because of this, you are in a database my dearest fellow entrapped targets. Facial recognition will sell you out regardless of the measures you put into place to hide yourself away from technology. Not even recreating the surgery in Face/Off could help you now. I guess in that sense it is safe to say that our impending doom is Nick Cage’s fault. Go ahead and chalk it up to another example of Nick Cage failing you miserably.


You useless bastard.

So, the next time you are out and hear the faint sound of dubstep coming from speakers, you will be armed with the knowledge to instinctively be aware of your surroundings and look for danger. On a positive note, that means the long awaited day, where the Kardashians will finally not mean a thing of value to anyone, is fast approaching. It will simply be us versus the machines. If we know what is good for us we will help to take down Skrillex and Co. before they are allowed to put the final steps of their plan into action.

Sleep well tonight though friends, for if shit does start going down, we must remain optimistic. There is still one hope for us to come out victorious. Never forget that, on our side, we have the man that is both John Conner and the God damn Batman, all rolled into one.


Seize the day, Christian.

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This entry was posted on February 21, 2013 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , .

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I am a 28 year old recovering optimist who calls Chicago home. Your mom would like me.

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