Where intelligence gives way to madness.
It’s that time of year again where I realize I no longer am 16 and that teenagers ruin everything that is good with music. That’s right kids, Warped Tour 2012. When I see the lineup including bands like Four Year Strong, Taking Back Sunday, and Yellowcard I’m like a 13 year old at the public pool just trying to hide my excitement. These are bands I listen to on a daily basis and am unashamed to admit that they continue to melt my face and would pay hard earned money to watch live. I don’t know what force field of wizardry is put up around the entrance gates at Warped Tour, but once those bands cross the threshold, something awful happens.
I’m guessing the real one is still intact as well.
Something about the gates of Warped Tour make it more like I walked through the Gates of Hell, as sponsored by Pac Sun. Everywhere you look there are tank tops, freshly purchased band tees, Vans, and enough eyeliner to make even Adam Lambert jealous. This phenomenon usually begins the same way it was for me. I fell for a girl that was Hot Topic, bordering on Scene. Next thing you know, I’m listening to Matchbook Romance, wearing vans, and my hair had tripled in length. Needless to say my mother was appalled and I was an idiot.
Mine didn’t come with a chick magnet.
So it goes without saying that I will not be attending this large gathering of angst and hormones out of fear that I will fight a minor. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to see these bands shred a live show, but I will do it in the comfort of a 21 and over setting. So while the younger version of me would love to be there and raging with the girl that never wanted him back, thus further cementing his place in the friend zone, I will be pounding beers and wishing I could still pull off a band tee.
Keep flaunting it you random son of a bitch.
At least there might be desperate drunk girls with daddy issues where I am. Suck on that 16 year old version of me.